


Requited

by origamigf



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Overthinking, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25624993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/origamigf/pseuds/origamigf
Summary: Akaashi knows his affections towards his Captain are requited but is it the best idea to confess these feelings?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 51
Collections: Bokuaka Week 2020





	Requited

In a sense, he understood romantic love. After all, his mother and father were happily married. While materialism doesn't amount to a healthy relationship, his father always brought his mother stuff. He would bring her home flowers, her favorite chocolate, or a piece of jewelry. His mother would bake his favorite dessert, buy his father's favorite bouquet, and express her love through writing more often than not. They made time for their anniversaries and made sure to keep their promises. Whenever there was an issue in the household, they discussed it together and agreed on a solution. If they couldn't agree, they always tried to come to a compromise. 

Communication is important in relationships. It doesn't matter if the relationship is platonic or romantic, communication is key. It's probably why he's never had a crush before. He's not exactly stellar at communicating with others. He doesn't put himself out there like some students. Maybe it's because his self-esteem isn't the best, but he's never like that sort of attention of being friends with everyone. He liked his circle of friends. He understood that while he could score great grades, he was an average person. He wasn't like the other talented people he had met through his training as a setter. 

But sometimes, he felt like he was more than the average person he saw himself as. Sometimes, he felt like he was the world. Those times were always when Bokuto was staring at him. He was smiling brightly, his voice hyper and loud. Bokuto was horrible at hiding his emotions so Akaashi could always tell just how happy and delighted he was at something. The shock in his voice whenever Akaashi agreed to help him initially practice, even when everyone else went home and said they should too, was so prevalent, you would have thought that a plot twist had just occurred. 

Bokuto is expressive. When he's happy, he has the biggest grin. When he's upset, he pouts and looks down at the ground. He reminds him more of a lost puppy than an owl during times like those. He's honest with feelings and anyone with three brain cells can tell what he's feeling. Some might consider that a drawback but it's what Akaashi likes about him.

No, that's not it. He has so many other qualities he likes about him. Bokuto's hands are always weirdly soft and obxiniously warm. It's only been a few times but when their hands brush when they hand a ball over, he can't help but be surprised. Bokuto seems like the type of guy to have more rough hands. He's a volleyball idiot who loves to practice until he drops so self-care for your hands isn't something you would think he would concern himself with.

Bokuto is a soft kind of person, maybe he was just born with them? Bokuto is bubbly and sweet, he's always trying his best. He doesn't give up or lose himself in his thoughts easily like Akaashi finds himself doing often. That's probably why he trusts Bokuto so much, so much more than he has anyone before. Even though he knows it's not true, sometimes, it feels like Bokuto isn't fearful at all. It's like he's saying with complete certainty, 'Everything is going to be okay, because we're going to win this!' 

It could be because he's the ace and the Ace's job is to get points on the court. Even outside the court, he carries that sort of thing with him. He's gotten low scores before but he's always trying to learn new words. He wonders how Bokuto studies, he can just imagine it. He'd probably bury his head in the book, glaring down at the endless pages as he scratches his head. He'd probably struggle not to procrastinate. Bokuto was always cute like that. 

These are not the thoughts of a normal person, by society's standards at least. He's no genius on the court or in class, but he understands that at the very least. Being straight has always been the norm in their society, especially around them. He's not even sure how his family feels about the issue, much less his own teammate. He wonders what would happen if he 'manned up' and confessed to Bokuto. 

How do you confess to a person? He doesn't know. It seems far too embarrassing to write down your cheesy thoughts about how cute they are and how your heart yearns for them in a letter only to shove it in a pink envelope to hand off to them with a blush dusting your face that looks anywhere else but them. How do you even do that? Is it courage or stupidity that leads to people to confess? 

Is it different for gay people? Do you confess differently? Is there some kind of code you go by? It's not like he researched this stuff or even knows where to look without feeling the judgement of everyone around him. He's too terrified his mother will use his laptop one day to write something down for his father only to discover his search history after her procrastinating and deciding to snoop, so he refuses to search online.

There is one thing he knows and that is Bokuto returns his affections. 

Bokuto is honest, as he's stated before. He can never hide what he's feeling and that includes his feelings for certain people. He glared openly and sticks his tongue out at rude classmates that used to tease Akaashi about his setting. He shakes in fear whenever a strict teacher passes them by. Most importantly, he's practically pink around him. 

He blushes sometimes around Akaashi. It can be small gestures. If Akaashi keeps eye contact with Bokuto too much, Bokuto will shy away and hide his face for a couple of minutes. If they accidentally touch hands, Bokuto will jump so high, Akaashi thinks he's trying to  _ be  _ an actual owl. He scoots and stands closer to him more than any of their other teammates or classmates. 

Materialism doesn't have to show how you feel. You shouldn't have to buy fancy gifts to show your love. Making homemade stuff is just as good and cheaper. No one should knock you for it. 

Even so, Bokuto goes out of his way sometimes. When they walk home together, he'll force Akaashi to take a snack he brought him, even after he said he wasn't hungry. If he even licks his lips because they're dry, he'll rush to get him a drink. One winter night, Bokuto got in a fuss about Akaashi not having proper clothing for the season and forced him to take his red scarf. Ever since then, he won't take it back since he went ahead and bought himself a new one. 

Bokuto made them match. He's a bit silly.

He knows Bokuto stares at him a lot, even when he thinks he can't tell. Bokuto is loud so he overhears him complimenting him to the others sometimes, making his own heart race. 

Even though he's confident in the requited nature of his feelings, he can't help but fight with himself. He doesn't want to confess. He's terrified that he'll mess everything up.

Maybe the relationship is perfect. In the best case scenario, everything works out. They're in a healthy, lovey-dovey relationship and they're accepted by their teammates, family members, and peers, but then what? What about the future? Being gay is one thing. Being gay and  _ in  _ a gay relationship? That's way worse. 

Bokuto loves volleyball. There's nothing else he wants to do. He's not like Akaashi, that one passion is it. Akaashi likes volleyball, he wouldn't play it if he didn't but he knows it's not his final plan. He enjoys being a setter and he enjoys being a teammate of Bokuto but he knows Bokuto plans to go so much higher, to the very top. Nationals is one thing while they're in highschool but he plans to go international, no doubt, and be in the Olympics. He's never said it outright but Akaashi can tell that Bokuto wants to be the best of the best. He wants to be the best Ace you can be. 

He'll be limited if he's with Akaashi though. If he's with Akaashi and they're public about their involvement, Bokuto will be tied down. He'll be forced to have to pick his future out of the leftovers, the scraps that the higher-ups decided to toss their little pet. Even if they're happy, even if everyone accepts them, they will be discriminated against. One way or another. It's how the world runs. 

He hates it for that. 

He doesn't consider himself a man who can hold grudges really. He's never been one to get angry and stay angry against an opponent after he loses. He lives his life day by day, just trying to live a nice one. He considers himself a calm and patient person, even if he goes overboard and overthinks sometimes. 

But he hates the world for deciding they would be lesser as a couple. They would decide that based on their relationship, Bokuto was lesser simply for who he loved. 

How messed up is that?

"Akaashi, you're zoning out again!" Bokuto whines to his left. Aah, he's doing it again. "Why are you in your own head so much?"

"I'm constantly thinking, Bokuto-san, they're asking for our future plans again." He says honestly because the teachers actually are pestering them about their future. 

"Wah, but you're still a second-year!" 

"I'll be a third-year in a matter of months, Bokuto-san."

"Ooh, I guess that's right!" Bokuto hums, taking another bite of the same sandwich he gets from the cafeteria as usual. "Say Akaashi, what are your future plans?"

"Me? Attend college and get a degree in literature. My mom is a writer so she has ties to a publishing firm, my father works as a sales representative. It seems fine enough." Akaashi said, staring at his own untouched dish. If he didn't start eating soon, lunch would be up. He didn't want to hear Bokuto whining that he needed to build up muscle so he could set better, even though setting requires the hands to work, not muscles necessarily. "What about you, Bokuto-san?"

"Hmm, I just wanna play volleyball!" Bokuto's grin was infectious. He couldn't help if he smiled. "Though, you should definitely take time off for my official games, Akaashi! Come to all of them, okay? ALL of —!"

"I know, all of them." Akaashi agreed without much hesitation. He wasn't like he would miss watching them for anything else in the world. Watching Bokuto play was always a happy sight to see, no matter if he lost or won. "I promise."

"R - really?" He stuttered, that was odd. 

"Yes," He looked up, his mind blank at the sight. Aah, there it was again. Bokuto's face dusted in an adorable shade of pink. In just one expression, his entire heart was visible to Akaashi. His eyes are filled with this type of adoration, like he's looking at him like he's the entire world. 

This is his delima. It would make them both happy, he knows it would but at what cost? Wouldn't it be better for him to ignore his feelings and simply let Bokuto's fade out so he can just carry on with his goal as usual? 

Is that the right choice here?

He doesn't know.

"Is there something wrong, Bokuto-san?" He asks, still staring up at him. Wow, he was adorable. He smiled at him, feeling at total ease with him. 

"N-no!" Bokuto screeched, somehow not gandering the attention of their peers in the same lunchroom. He watched as Bokuto buried his burning face into his hands, hiding it away from the world. 

"Bokuto-san?" He called out. He knows why he's doing this, but their peers might get the wrong idea. What if they think they're dating? That wouldn't be good. 

"Just - just why do you have to be so cute, Akaashi!" As just like that, shock shot through his body. He felt frozen, his eyes going wide. 

'It isn't a confession,' He reminds himself. 'Calm down, don't take it as such.'

But he knows how Bokuto is. He knows his feelings. The idiot is too obvious with them! Even though he returns them, they can't. They just... _ can't _ . 

"Pardon?" He goes with instead, trying not to be caught dead silent. 

"You're just so easy to like," Bokuto peers up at him between the slots in his fingers. His eyes, even hidden behind his hands, are hard and shy. He looked adorable. "How could anyone not love you?" 

"Bokuto-san, you can't be saying these sorts of things. Everyone will get the wrong idea," He leaned forward, whispering as he tossed quick glances around the cafeteria to gauge the situation. Luckily, everyone was ignoring them as usual. Bokuto could be too hyper for most people so it was better than way sometimes, especially now.

"What do you mean 'wrong idea'?" Bokuto frowned completely, removing his face from his hands. His expression was hardened and serious. "Akaashi, dontcha know I like you?"

"Bokuto-san, surely you aren't confessing to me in the middle of lunch hour around all of our peers?"

"Yeah, what about it? I thought you totally knew! You totally flirted!"

"I - I didn't!"

"Uh-huh, you took all my presents! You made me lunch!"

"Bokuto-san, I made you lunch when I came over your house six months ago because you were sick and your parents were overseas on a business trip. A sick person can't make porridge on their own…"

"You still did it though…"

Akaashi sighed. He knew they would be happy, despite his constant worries but they would be limited, he had to know that.

"Theoretically, let's say I was interested in dating you -  _ not that I am _ !" Akaashi found himself blushing now, this was so stupid. "What happens then? What if we date and we get married and we have a perfect life with two dogs and a cat? What happens with your dream? Won't you become limited by those who discriminate?"

"So?"

"'So'? Volleyball is your dream!" 

"But so are you!" Bokuto smiles cheekily.

'Ugh,' Akaashi groaned internally. 'He can't be serious…'

"Akaashi..." Those warm, soft hands we're wrapping around his and he found himself staring into those golden eyes. Oh no. "I lied earlier, that isn't just my future. I want you in mine too, so please, come to my games as my boyfriend in the future? But you have to be one now!"

There it is, that certainty that everything will work out, that everything will be okay because he's there to make it okay. It's hard for Akaashi to ever say no to him, Bokuto is like a flytrap. He swallows him up in an instant the moment he's caught off guard.

"But what if you're limited because of me, because of us?"

"Then I'll be limited with you!" Bokuto chuckled, his grin still persistent. "Plus, I'll just work extra hard so they can't say anything about us so make sure to give me extra good tosses later to help me prepare. Okay, boyfriend?"

He could say no. Bokuto would never force himself on someone. He would bug Akaashi about it, sure, but his intentions are pure. They're both painfully aware of their returned feelings but right now, it's Akaashi's choice if they take that risk together. 

He closed his eyes and breathed in. He exhaled, flicking open his eyes. He stared at a hopeful-looking Bokuto, a sight for sore eyes. 

He did what he always did when it came to Bokuto. He took a leap of faith.

"Okay, boyfriend..." 

**Author's Note:**

> bokuaka is gonna be short ones sorry babes


End file.
